The locals' guide to...Brussels
Brussels does comics, surrealism and art nouveau better than most, but if indulgence is more your style there's always plenty of chocolate, mussels and beer...
How do I get away from large tour groups wearing matching caps?
It's not the people on holiday in Brussels you want to avoid here, it's the politicians. Stay away the Parc du Cinquantenaire, where the EU resides and boredom will ambush you at every turn. Stick instead to old squares such as the Grand Place, and museums, including Europe's finest monument to scientific kitsch, the Atomium. It's a giant molecule-shaped construction with nine atoms which you can climb through - every city should have one. To top it off there's a nice café upstairs.
Where do the locals party?
Despite the EU marching towards a total ban on smoking in bars, the injunction hasn't hit Europe's capital. Take a deep breath and try La Fleur en Papier Doré, on a steep hill just below the Sablon, for an arty drink or Au Soleil in the lower town to soak up the beer and atmosphere.
Restaurants without an 'all-you-can-eat tourist buffet'?
Though their interior decoration is based on a granny's sitting room from the 1970s, restaurants Jacques, on Quai aux Briques, and L'Huîtrière, in the pretty streets of Vieux Lille, serve marvellous mussels by the pot. For a reasonably priced set menu try Bij den Boer, on the Vismet, but be warned, the seafood is so popular here so you'll need to book.
The locals' absolutely secret number one tip :
Lunch at Mer du Nord fish shop on Place Ste Catherine. Stand at the counter while they feed you cheap and incredibly fresh seafood. There's a DJ on Sundays.
A quick guide to where the locals hang out
The view: The Museum of Musical Instruments rooftop café for views over the rues.
The coffee: Some of the grand coffee houses are no more than overpriced, tatty tour stops. For brilliant coffee, simple snacks and minimalist decor try Viva Sara Kaffee on Kiekenmarkt.
The breakfast: Comptoir Florian on Rue Saint-Boniface. No croissants here: it's cured hams, cheese and rye bread with a focus on locally sourced produce.
The middle-of-the-night toasted sandwich: More likely you'll be served foie gras on Melba toast than croque-monsieur at Café Kafka, in the heart of town.
The place for people watching: Taverne Greenwich on Rue des Chartreux looks like a relic from the fin-de-siècle. Fans of surrealism should note that Magritte used to hang up his bowler hat here.
The shops : Designer clothes boutiques along the length of Rue Antoine Dansaert. Shops can close inexplicably, so if you're on a short break in Brussels, plan ahead.
The gallery: The Museums of Fine Art and adjoining Modern Art display 'old masters' upstairs and newer art underground. Who knows if this hints at the aesthetic preferences of the curators? A new Magritte museum is opening in 2009.
The trip: It's not far to medieval Ghent and the edgy port and diamond city of Antwerp.
Why not try? Brussels half day city tour
Details:
Atomium, Atomium Square, +32 (0)2 4754777, www.atomium.be; La Fleur en Papier Doré, Cellebroersstraat/Rue des Alexiens 55, +32 (0)2 5111659; Au Soleil, Kolenmarkt/Rue du Marché au Charbon 86, +32 (0)2 5123430; Jacques, Baksteenkaai/Quai aux Briques 44, +32 (0)2 5132762; L'Huîtrière, Baksteenkai/Quai aux Briques 20, +32 (0)2 5120866; Bij den Boer, Baksteenkai/Quai aux Briques 60, +32 (0)2 5126122, www.bijdenboer.com; Poissonerie Mer du Nord, Sint-Katelijnestraat/Rue Sainte-Catherine 1, +32 (0)2 5131192; Musical Instruments Museum (MIM), Hofberg/Rue Montagne de la Cour 2, +32 (0)2 5450130, www.mim.fgov.be; Viva Sara Kaffee, Kiekenmarkt/Rue du Marché aux Poulets 2, +32 (0)2 2180101; Comptoir Florian, Sint-Bonifaasstraat/Rue Saint-Boniface 17, +32 (0)2 5139103; Café Kafka, Zwarte Lievevrouwstraat/Rue de la Vierge Noire 6, +32 (0)2 5135489; Taverne Greenwich, Kartuizersstraat/Rue des Chartreux 7, +32 (0)2 5114167; Royal Museums of Fine Arts of Belgium, Regentschapsstraat/Rue de la Régence 3, +32 (0)2 5083211, www.kmskb.be; Sablon Church and Antiques Market, Zavelplaats/Place du Grand Sablon, www.sablonantiquesmarket.com; Hotel Chambord, Naamsestraat/Rue de Namur 82;
Can I drink the water?
The eight essential questions you'll need answering
Which local animal is likely to hospitalise me?
You won't encounter much wildlife during your holiday in Brussels, so the greatest danger could be the over-consumption of mussels.
Which native liquor will make me think I am attractive?
Since monks brew some of the best beer, its consumption might lead to solitary contemplation more than libidinal urges. So if it's not working for you, there's always Stella.
How can I avoid a beating by the local hard nuts?
Don't say, "I thought Magritte, Tin Tin and French fries were French."
Will I get lost?
Travel authorities in Brussels should take design tips from the London Underground map. Don't rely on free guides to get around; invest in a decent map.
Will I find myself?
Soak up the atmosphere rather than the beer in the intimate Sablon Church and contemplate the silence and stained glass of medieval Europe.
Should I take an umbrella?
You don't visit the Low Countries for the sun, but travel in Brussels will convince you to ignore the grey and enjoy the architecture.
What should I order in a restaurant to impress the locals?
Belgians don't impress easily but if you can order a vlaamse stoofkarbonaden - Flemish beef stew - without swallowing your own tongue you may get an appreciative nod.
Can I drink the water?
Bien sûr. This is the heart of the European Union with its healthily bureaucratic rules and regulations.
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