The locals' guide to...Bruges
If you're into hearty food, drink and ornate gabled houses but wary of lace-making, novelty chocolate boobs and horse drawn tours, read on...
How do I get away from large tour groups wearing matching caps?
Grab a bike from the very reasonable bike hire point at the station, and point your wheels along tree-lined canals towards the village of Damme, checking out the windmill along the way. It's a gentle day trip and you can push on to other villages if you're feeling more energetic. Better still, stay in Damme and make the short hop to Bruges - or catch the boat in. Beware parking hell if you're thinking of driving though.
Where do the locals party?
If you think a medieval heritage site with a reputation for lace-making doesn't sound like a party town you'd be right. But things can never be that dull in a country with far more beers than it's had famous people. Joey's Café in the Zilverpand shopping centre is tiny, candle-lit, chilled and a local preserve. The modern De Republiek is livelier and off the tourist ant trails. Or try anywhere on t'Zand Square.
Restaurants without an 'all-you-can-eat tourist buffet'?
Head for snug bistro In den Wittenkop for enthusiastic owners, proper Flemish nosh, and an evening that hasn't been lifted from a free leaflet at the tourist office. You'll find places with longer beer lists than here, but even the best of us can only drink so much 12 per cent ale in one night.
The locals' absolutely secret number one tip :
See Bruges from an entirely different perspective by taking a boat trip around the historical hotspots. Remember to take a jacket as it gets pretty chilly. A glass of 12 per cent Belgian beer serves the same purpose.
A quick guide to where the locals hang out
The beach : Ostend is less than 20 miles up the road from the main Bruges hotels. There's fine sand and a prom to make any Brit jealous.
The breakfast: Het Dagelijks Brood. A Belgian chain, but a fine option if you're on a cheap Bruges break. Quaff handmade bread at the communal table.
The flicks: Catch mainstream and foreign films at the arthouse Cinema Lumière, while resting your bottom on plush red seats.
The shops : Steenstraat for bland high street fare; the markets on t'Zand Square (Saturday mornings only) and along Dijver canal (Saturday and Sunday) for food and random bric-a-brac.
The festival: Head for Minnewater ('Love Lake') at the start of July and catch top performers at the three-day Cactus music festival.
The trip: Thirty miles south east is Ghent: more canals, more art, more pretty architecture; fewer tourists and twee lace shops.
The gallery: The Groeninge Museum is renowned, but check out Aussie modern artist Svein Koningen's studio.
The museum: The Frietmuseum (chip museum). The lowdown on a 300-year-old Belgian snack in a 600-year-old building. With café, naturally.
Why not try? Brussels half day city tour
Details:
Joey's Café, Het Zilverpand Shopping Centre, Zilversteeg 4, +32 (0)50 341264; De Republiek, Sint-Jakobsstraat 36, +32 (0)50 340229, www.derepubliek.be; In den Wittenkop, Sint-Jakobsstraat 14, +32 (0)50 332059; Het Dagelijks Brood, Philipstockstraat 21, +32 (0)50 336050; Cinema Lumière, Sint-Jakobstraat 36, +32 (0)50 343465, www.lumiere.be; Cactus Festival, Minnewaterpark, Bargeplein, www.cactusfestival.be; Groeninge Museum, Dijver 12, www.brugge.be; Svein Koningen's studio, Korte Vuldersstraat 17, +32 (0)50 330988, www.koningen.net; Frietmuseum, Vlamingstraat 33, +32 (0)50 340150, www.frietmuseum.be; Martin's Hotel, Oude Burg 5;
Can I drink the water?
The eight essential questions you'll need answering
Which local animal is likely to hospitalise me?
You're not it too much danger here, but winding up the famous local swans at Minnewater is not advised.
Which native liquor will make me think I am attractive?
Belgian beers go down like ale, but many are approaching the strength of wine. Of the 1,000-plus Belgian beers, the local Brugse Zot is worth a tipple.
How can I avoid a beating by the local hard nuts?
This is not an easy populace to offend, but attempting to address them in French should do the trick. They speak Flemish - and perfect English.
Will I get lost?
Bruges is small, and has a damn great bell tower in the middle, visible for miles of flat Flemish countryside. Getting lost would require some effort.
Will I find myself?
For bohemian nirvana, go elsewhere. The beer will probably make you forget who you are, mind.
Should I take an umbrella?
You'll be a stone's throw from the North Sea and all the climatic unpleasantness that implies. Best to keep a brolly handy on your Bruges holiday.
What should I order in a restaurant to impress the locals?
Waterzooi ('watery mess'). It's a brothy stew, usually with chicken, that tastes much better than it sounds.
Can I drink the water?
Maybe steer clear of the stuff in the canals, but get plenty of tap water down your gullet after a night sticking pins in a Belgian beer menu.
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