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It used to be so easy. Before political correctness, before the invention of language, before cognitive thought itself, all you had to do was grunt seductively at the object of your desire and you were pretty much in there.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it, you know? But no, every generation since thinks they invented romance, don't they? Had to make the bloody thing ever more complicated, adding layers of etiquette like toppings on a pizza.

Thank Cupid, then, for the new lastminute.com dating service.
It's free to register and set up your profile, and with thousands
of people online, you're bound to meet someone who tickles your fancy.

Better still, until June 1 it's free to contact anyone you like - click here
  • they don't call it wonderful Copenhagen for nothing

  • win a seriously flash, limited edition crystal Xbox

  • get your hands on the new lastminute.com credit card
    • GREAT LOOKS DON'T HAVE TO COST A THING

    Spring is here and to help celebrate, Buy Cosmetics Direct will give you a free collection of popular cosmetics worth £25 with every order over £10. You can save up to 80% on your favourite cosmetic brand names with Buy Cosmetics Direct but this offer ends soon, so don't delay

    Click here for more information
    dating in the prehistoric era was a basic affair. Eyes would meet across a crowded cave and loincloths would be ripped off before you could say 'neolithic'...

    order your steak blue at Greig's Grill and eat like a very posh caveman - up to 70% off

    Cliff Richard was one of the very first human beings ever. Catch him live this summer from £35

    the Grand Canyon is even older than Cliff. Free tour with your trip to Las Vegas - from £569

    get in tip-top Neanderthal shape with a one-day outdoor rock climbing trip - save up to £10

    if your relationship is rock-solid, prove it with a set of 'I Love You' pewter stones - £14.95
  • a week in three-star Tunisia
    was £299, just reduced to £199

  • fortnight all-inclusive Kenya
    go on safari from just £699

  • two nights, four-star Bruges
    with free chocolates from £129

  • a week in sunny St Lucia
    Caribbean paradise is just £669

  • three nights in gay Paris
    fly to the City of Light from £169

  • Dominican Republic
    fortnight all-inclusive from £629
    • if you're flying to the States, make sure you go with our preferred partners, United Airlines.

    They've been going 75 years, so they know what they're doing. Missing you already - click here

  • New York - from £248*
  • Boston - from £272*
  • Chicago - from £295*
  • San Francisco - from £305*

    * all flights are direct. Fares quoted are return and include all taxes

    • ... RU21, the amazing new hangover cure in tablet form.

    Forget knocking back endless glasses of water and trying to force down a fried breakfast between bouts of retching, just pop a couple of these after a night on the tiles and you'll feel right as rain in the morning.

    Developed over 25 years by the in no way suspect sounding 'Russian Academy of Sciences', Sunday mornings will never be the same again - click here

    you could pick up a case of quality plonk for a knockdown price with our wine auctions

    with a flat rate of just £15 for both adults and kids, it really is fun for all the family at Thorpe Park

    chill out (arf arf) in the coolest hotel in the world (arf arf), the one and only Icehotel in Sweden

  • for unique hotels, click here
    • time was when all you had to do to woo a special someone was roll out of a carpet in their private palace. In lieu of palaces and carpets (tongue and groove is where it's at) here's a few ideas to recreate the romance...

  • brush up on ancient myths and legends at the Fan Museum

  • enjoy five-star luxury at The Athenaeum - from just £199


  • follow Cleo's lead and try an aphrodisiac for added oomph. A vial of pearl dust for £7.95 will turn you into a sex machine - honest.


  • she's got the wigs, we've got the tickets. See Cher for £35
    		•   
  • Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat - £10

  • discover ancient sexual techniques (plus bits you never knew you had) with the Kama Sutra - £16.99


  • head to Taba Heights for a taste of the exotic - from £399


  • it's all kicking off in Babylon
    with Sunday lunches for £18.50
    		•
    Leeds United v Portsmouth.
    see them clash in the Premiership from just £26

  • for more top-class football at rock-bottom prices, click here

    dig out the tent and get down to the V Festival in Weston Park, Staffordshire - from £46.50

  • for more top gigs, click here

    to see what's going on near you this Saturday, select your region from the drop-down menu and hit 'go'

    • click here to refine your search
    grab ye a merry wench & get thee to the nearest ale house for a spot of bustle wrestling...
  • take a stroll around the mediaeval splendour of Budapest from just £190

  • get your sword at the ready for a weekend of mediaeval jollity at Joust - from only £4


  • raise your glasses to free beer at the Mediaeval Banquet - £5 off


  • Jackie Mason is the funniest court jester of all time - from £30

  • learn to handle a bird like Henry VIII with a bird of prey handling day - £120
    • right Dicko, let's get some thoroughly modern Millies to show us their swells...

  • charlston your way down to the 1920s exhibition at the Museum of London - £4


  • see all that jazz in Chicago - a weekend starts from £416.07


  • get into the swing with Anything Goes - tickets from £10

  • the original good time girl rolls in to town - Thoroughly Modern Millie tickets for £40


  • get behind the wheel of a 1920s beauty with a classic car experience - £24 off
    • it's all so much easier these days, when just about anything is possible - including looking like Brad Pitt in a pizza advert...

  • come face to face with the UK's most eligible individuals... well, they're up for it and that's all you need to know. Go to Chemistry's nationwide dating event - £5 off


  • with up to 70% off at Berkeley Square Cafe you should find their finger-licking treats a real turn-on


  • find your perfect match at the Lock and Key dating party - £15
    		•   
  • get yourself screwed up with the Twister duvet cover for £29.95


  • go to heaven and back with a Nirvana Spa weekend for two and save yourself £200


  • woo 'em good with a winning combination of gourmet and couture - two courses at Bluebird & entry to Vivienne Westwood exhibition for £20
    		•
    Now, when you're down the pub celebrating England's latest victory, forget flags and other such garb to show off your patriotic passion.

    Take it even further with the
    Alpha England T-shirt. Using a combination of printed lettering and stick-on Velcro® letters and numbers, this T-shirt allows you to wear the scores on your shirt, as they happen.
    How would you like to get your mitts on this Crystal Limited Edition Xbox worth £139.99?


    Clear by design and cool by nature, this is a must-have for entertainment in the home.

    In fact, the only bit of plastic that is anywhere near as cool is the new lastminute.com credit card.

    To be in with a chance of winning one of these highly desirable machines, just answer a couple of questions about your plastic habits - click here to enter
    STICK A BIT OF LASTMINUTE.COM IN YOUR BACK POCKET

    Get your hands on the lastminute.com credit card, in partnership with Virgin Money, and enjoy 0% p.a. on balance transfers for six months from the date your account is opened, and a fantastic 15%.9 APR (variable) on card puchases, plus exclusive lastminute.com deals & discounts. As if that's not enough, apply by May 31 2004 and you could win** an unforgettable week at Richard Branson's Kasbah Tamadot in Marrakech with flights provided by Royal Air Maroc.

    To find out more and apply online, just click here

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